Monday, February 9, 2009

... not ride a bike like a douchebag.

I'm not trying to point fingers, cause I wore ripped jeans in the 80's, but what's with those fucking suits that these bicyclists wear? I'm pretty sure that out of the dozens of cyclists I've seen on the back roads, most of them aren't training for the Tour de France. Doesn't anyone make a bike suit in normal colors? These clowns are billboards. I don't see people on the side of the road going, "Oh look, he bikes so well, and he has a SoBe water shirt on, we better go buy some." And on top of it, they aren't always bright colors. Many times they are like urban camoflage, blue, black, and white. Guys on dump trucks have brighter colors. The brighter colors they wear seem to be pastel ... maybe it's more flattering ... but it could be more "flattening." 

But that's besides the point. I guess I've diverted my anger from these people's actions to their clothing. And really, some of the bikers aren't assholes. The real problem are the ones that think that since bicycling has become a more mainsteam sport, they are entitled. These are the douchebags that think they own the road, or should be treated like a pedestrian. A red light means stop. It doesn't mean, "Well you are on a non-motorized vehicle, that's okay, nobody is looking, come on right through." And what about those packs of assholes who think they have strength in numbers like a school of fish. "Look shark, we are bigger than you, run away" ... except the "shark" is a Ford F150 and the "school" is 12 losers in spandex blocking the roadway from blue collered people trying to get to their second job or overtime. You ain't a friggin' school bus people ... we don't have to stop for you. 
No shit. I actually saw two dicks on bikes trying to out manuver a friggin' firetruck as motorists pulled over. I shouted out to the guy and he gave me the finger. There should be a hunting season for these freaks. Okay calm down, don't call the cops on me, I just think it should be legal to go up and push them over like cow tipping if they pull crap like that. I am all for people getting some excercise, I think it's great that you want to get together, but you don't see me putting a weight bench in the freaking street. Plus, what the fuck are these people thinking? If a truck lost control, they would be splattered like multicolored spandex wearing flies across the windshield. Their 3 pound bikes would be imbedded like small fishbones in the big truck grill. What's the idea behind the fact that they can't stop for 10 seconds? Do they think they are in a race every time they hop on the bike, or in such intense training trying to beat their last time? I can hear the two guys talking now, "Oh my God! I was on my way to a personal best time and that ambulance got in my way. Can you freaking believe it Gerry?" I'm pretty sure that most cyclists like this have names like Gerry and Carl, and maybe a Leo or two. Just like the WW2 vet's name at the Dunkies was probably Hank...or Art.