...clean the snow of your car.

Okay, let's start with a geography lesson.  New England is comprised of six states: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island.  This particular region of the country can be characterized by quite "impressive" winters.  Annual snowfall can be up to 100 inches. If you live in any one of these six states, I'm fucking talking to you.  And if you live in one of these six states, you had better be able to identify this:

And assuming you know what that is - fucking get one! In New England, a snow brush should be in your car from October through April - yes, I said April.  Remember the year that Mayor Menino had all the plows taken off the trucks in Boston on April 1 and we got slammed with snow a few days later - fucking moron.  Oh, and it's not just good enough to be in your car - you have to USE IT!

These are the scenarios I have observed this winter:

1.  A car driving down the street with the front windshield cleaned off, side windows and back window covered in snow.  That might be fine for the Grand Prix raceway at Disney World where your car is on a fucking track and you can only go forward, but not so great when you are actually controlling your vehicle and have to make informed decisions about turning left or right.

2. A car driving down the road with all the windows clear, but 6 inches of snow on top of the car.  Everything's cool and you're all proud of yourself because you saved some time ... until you come to a stop and the six inches of snow is now covering your front windshield.  Or better yet, when it flies off your car and hits the windshield of the car behind you - yeah - that's fucking considerate.

3.  A SUV or truck with 6 inches of snow on the roof.  Don't give me the fucking excuse that you couldn't reach it.  If you buy a vehicle that is taller than you, you have the responsibility to get an extendable snow brush ... yeah ... they make them. Use a step stool if you have to.

Which brings us to the How To section.

1. Use a gloved hand to clean off the area around your door handle and door.

2. Open door.

3. Procure snow brush from inside vehicle.

4. Start car and turn defrosters on high to help start to melt the snow/ice off your vehicle.

5. Close door 

5. Proceed to remove ALL snow and/or ice from the exterior of your vehicle.  When I say ALL, I mean on the roof,  on the windows, on the headlights, obscuring your license plate, and any miscellaneous snow/ice stuck to any part of the vehicle.

And, I probably should mention that you should start the above process at least 15 minutes, if not more, before you actually need to drive away in the car.  It takes time - plan for it.

Look, if you want to endanger your own life out of sheer stupidity - go ahead - survival of the fittest, I say (see the Darwin Awards) .  However when you endanger other people on the road, you're just another lazy piece of shit that lives the "I only give a shit about me" way of life - and yes, I take issue with that.

submitted by Guest blogger, B.

... alienate a beer drinker.

What the FUCK? Somebody just took an American Icon off the shelf and smashed it on the ground in a million pieces. I just read that Anheuser Busch is no longer giving free samples of their beer at their theme parks, i.e Seaworld, Busch Gardens. It just goes to show you what those Belgium asses, no, what is more insulting? dinks? porkers? weenies? do. (For those of you who are uninformed, A.B. sold out to InBev, a Belgium company.) Keep selling out the United States, assholes. I actually wonder if the machines we vote on are made in the U.S. If you closed our borders now, how much could we sustain ourselves? I know Polartec is still made in the U.S., and most of New Balance sneakers, and Poland spring water, maybe Frito Lay. So I guess we could run warmly with nice snacks, but God help us. I'm pretty sure we couldn't get much other food. Has to be less than 1% toys.  Of course I blame the stockholders and family members for selling out Anheuser Busch as well. Like you needed that much more money. How bad could you have been doing?

I guess I am ranting. But we have only ourselves to blame. What a bunch of weenies we are.

The best part is that the new owners of A.B  have the theme park spokesman, Fred Jacobs, so wound up that he said, "the free samples had a narrow appeal among park customers." Drink more of the Koolaid Fred! Couldn't you have found another job and kept your balls intact. I'd rather be working the night shift at a 7-11 and be able to look my son in the eye than let out that load of bullshit. 

C'mon, who reading this, who has been to the parks can say they have seen the lines at the sample bar less than crowded. The first time I saw them I thought it was for a ride, and said, "they'd have to be giving out free beer to make me wait in a line like that!" When I found out it was...I got in line. For crissake the freaking line reminded me of the gas lines in the 70's or when thay had those stupid fads on Cabbage Patch Kids and Power Rangers. And this was like every day, not just Christmas time. My freaking mother enjoyed a free sample, and she doesn't live in a double wide or anything. 

I don't know what the world is coming to... free samples didn't appeal to the masses. Fred! Go into a Costco on a weekend. People rush the fucking lady at the cheesy crab puff table and get in fist fights... 

A chance to sample a great American Beer? Fucking Belgians. Didn't we save their asses in WWII as well? I should have asked the guy behind me in the Dunkin Donuts line.